Post by john on Apr 19, 2008 17:43:30 GMT
Again by Bruce Jaeger.
How to get kicked out of a band
Always show up for a gig after the rest of the band have hauled in the P.A system
Whine about rehearsing
Don`t know what key every song is in and then hold up the performance while you put on your capo and retune
Always wait until the band calls you before you go off break and then take several more minutes to tune up
Always find something wrong with most of the other person`s song selection
Gripe about the cords needing straightening out and repairing, but wait for someone else to volunteer to do it
Agree with all criticisms of your performing and promise to change. But don`t really try.
Always turn your mike up the loudest
Gripe about the set list, but never help make it
Bring your beer bottle on stage with you
Wait until a songs been introduced before saying you don`t want to do it
Talk over the mike during someone`s break
Giggle during a gospel song or other serious number
Or on the other hand, never smile at all, even during the humorous portions of the show
Demand center stage-and then don`t do anything with it
Insist on singing lead on that slow or high number that your voice really can`t handle
Reject a song that everyone else like
Always invite your friends in the audience to come up on stage and jam
Have problems with gas
If you are not a singer, talk your way out of most rehearsals, which, after all, are mostly spent on vocals. Then plead ignorance to the song arrangements when you get on stage.
Tune into your mike
Go out of your way to tell people that your old band was better than
the one you`re in now
Ignore the maintenance of your instrument to the point that it makes the band sound bad
Eat onions and don`t brush your teeth for a week gathering around the mike for harmony singing
Be a prima donna
Always make horrible grimaces and disparaging remarks when someone in the the audience asks for Rocky Top, Orange Blossom Special Dueling Banjo or Bonny and Clyde
When playing in a resturant, wait till the middle of the set, then call the waitress(over the mike of course) and order food for your next break
Then grumble when the rest of the guys filch your fries.
Never carry enough spare strings, picks etc.
Wear parts of your band uniform as normal everyday clothing, so that your set looks faded and soiled compared to the rest
Refuse to wear a cowboy hat, even if the rest of the band wants to
Even if the booker says..dress western, show up in your usual golf pro shop outfit. With the sneekers
Insist on a break for every song, even though you don`t know one, or the song doesn`t call for a break from your instrument
Miss a lot of rehearsals, even with good reasons.
Complain loudly and often about the lack of jobs and the low pay. But don`t do a thing to hustle any gigs
Be a cynical, disagreeable person. This is the surest way to get kicked out of a band, even thogh you`re the greatest picker to walk the earth, and the angels pause to hear you sing
cheers,
John
ps.
I do not know from which magazine these two articles come from.
Please let me know if there are anyone out there who does
How to get kicked out of a band
Always show up for a gig after the rest of the band have hauled in the P.A system
Whine about rehearsing
Don`t know what key every song is in and then hold up the performance while you put on your capo and retune
Always wait until the band calls you before you go off break and then take several more minutes to tune up
Always find something wrong with most of the other person`s song selection
Gripe about the cords needing straightening out and repairing, but wait for someone else to volunteer to do it
Agree with all criticisms of your performing and promise to change. But don`t really try.
Always turn your mike up the loudest
Gripe about the set list, but never help make it
Bring your beer bottle on stage with you
Wait until a songs been introduced before saying you don`t want to do it
Talk over the mike during someone`s break
Giggle during a gospel song or other serious number
Or on the other hand, never smile at all, even during the humorous portions of the show
Demand center stage-and then don`t do anything with it
Insist on singing lead on that slow or high number that your voice really can`t handle
Reject a song that everyone else like
Always invite your friends in the audience to come up on stage and jam
Have problems with gas
If you are not a singer, talk your way out of most rehearsals, which, after all, are mostly spent on vocals. Then plead ignorance to the song arrangements when you get on stage.
Tune into your mike
Go out of your way to tell people that your old band was better than
the one you`re in now
Ignore the maintenance of your instrument to the point that it makes the band sound bad
Eat onions and don`t brush your teeth for a week gathering around the mike for harmony singing
Be a prima donna
Always make horrible grimaces and disparaging remarks when someone in the the audience asks for Rocky Top, Orange Blossom Special Dueling Banjo or Bonny and Clyde
When playing in a resturant, wait till the middle of the set, then call the waitress(over the mike of course) and order food for your next break
Then grumble when the rest of the guys filch your fries.
Never carry enough spare strings, picks etc.
Wear parts of your band uniform as normal everyday clothing, so that your set looks faded and soiled compared to the rest
Refuse to wear a cowboy hat, even if the rest of the band wants to
Even if the booker says..dress western, show up in your usual golf pro shop outfit. With the sneekers
Insist on a break for every song, even though you don`t know one, or the song doesn`t call for a break from your instrument
Miss a lot of rehearsals, even with good reasons.
Complain loudly and often about the lack of jobs and the low pay. But don`t do a thing to hustle any gigs
Be a cynical, disagreeable person. This is the surest way to get kicked out of a band, even thogh you`re the greatest picker to walk the earth, and the angels pause to hear you sing
cheers,
John
ps.
I do not know from which magazine these two articles come from.
Please let me know if there are anyone out there who does